Video transcript
First of all, everyone, please put on your masks and keep your distance. Some of us are really weak and fragile, and I don't know why they made this podium so high. I told them I'm coming straight from the bathhouse and didn't have my platform shoes with me. I'm speaking to you today because I'm a scared little man, a washed-up actor with lots of skeletons in my closet. People like me need Joe Biden and power, not because he's any good, but because he enjoys the same sick perversions we do. Lots of dipshits think I'm smart because, you know, I used to be able to memorize lines, cock my head to the side and squid with a New York accent. In reality, I'm just a movie, M-O-O-K movie. I'll be honest, Donald Trump scares the living shit out of me. I've always been jealous of him. He's a real man in true New Yorker. He walked the walk, talked the talk, and like Sinatra, he did it his way. I, on the other hand, only pretend to be tough and powerful on a movie set. If Donald Trump was in front of me right now, I'd punch myself right in the face, get down on my hands and knees, and beg to blow him. If Trump gets re-elected, sickos like me will be permanently banned from the circle of trust. I'll be stopped pumping blue milk from Mark Hamill's tits in a gay porn parody of "Meet the Parrots." I'm begging you, vote for Joe Biden so I don't shrivel up and die.
Transcribed automatically. Expect errors in names and numbers.