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[MUSIC] [APPLAUSE]

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I'm sorry, why is Vice President Harris not here? The Democrats have been telling us Trump, Trump's re-election is a threat to democracy. In fact, they were so concerned of this threat, they staged a coup. Ousted their democratically elected incumbent and installed Kamala Harris. My opponent feels like she does not have to be here, which is deeply disrespectful to the event and in particular to our great Catholic community, very disrespectful. I understand the real reason that she's not here, she's hunting with her running mates. But if you really wanted Vice President Harris to accept your invitation, I guess you should have told her. The funds were going to bail out the looters and riders in Minneapolis and she would have been here guaranteed. I must say I was shocked when I heard that Kamala was skipping the Al Smith dinner. I really hope that she would come because we can't get enough of hearing her beautiful laugh. She laughs like crazy. The Democrats really wanted to have someone not be with us this evening, they would have just sent Joe Biden. There's a group called White Dudes for Harris. Have you seen this? White Dudes for Harris. Does anybody know? Are some of you here? White Dudes for Harris doesn't sound like her. But I'm not worried about them at all because their wives and their wives lovers are all voting for me. Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum. He looks glum, he looks glum. But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become. If Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president. I'm sure that Kamala and her husband carve out some really beautiful alone time at the end of the day for an intimate dinner, just dub her and the teleprompter that she uses quite well. But unfortunately, Governor Walts is in here himself, but don't worry, he'll say that he was. I used to think that Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. But then I met Tim Walts. I'd better wrap up because Mayor Adam has told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick, especially the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas. Tradition halls that I'm supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening. So here it goes. Nope, I've got nothing. I guess I just don't see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a hell of a long time today, she will. Thank you very much and God bless you all. Thank you. Thank you very much.

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(crowd chanting)

Transcribed automatically. Expect errors in names and numbers.